(EDITORIAL NOTE: Please understand this story was written with whimsical exaggeration)
The WGNS team, led by Captain Jon Dinkins, set a new tournament record for the worst score at the FCA Coaches Golf Tournament on Wednesday, May 31st at Old Fort Golf Course. The team finished with a score of 350, which is over 150 strokes higher than the previous record.
Dinkins, again the team captain and one to blame, said he was "shocked" by his team's performance. "We didn't play very well today," he said. "We had a lot of bad shots and we made a lot of mistakes. Our game plan all day was 'avoid the scenic route and keep it straight.' That was obviously not what happened."
Tom Hoover, who was playing with a pickleball knee injury, said he was "humiliated" by his score. "I'm not sure what happened," he said. "I just couldn't seem to hit the ball right." He added, "I pushed through the pain, especially after chicken wings for lunch. I thought I could ride that boost across the finish line"
Rick Stewart said he was "disappointed" by the team's lack of focus. "We were all over the place today," he said. "We couldn't seem to get our act together."
There was a report that at least one of the WGNS team lost grip of a driver because of greasy hands from lunch. However, this claim was only witnessed by the team, who all vehemently denied it happened.
Roger Newnan said he was "just glad it was over." "I'm never playing golf with these guys again," he said. "This was a disaster. They lost so many balls"
The team was almost disqualified for using the super senior tees. They received a strict reprimand and identification check for proper age. It turns out only one of the members was eligible. Tournament directors "felt sorry for them" and allowed the team to play through since the discovery came on the 10th hole and there was no hope of them placing.
The tournament also featured a putting contest, a closest to the pin contest, and a longest drive contest. In the putting contest, Hoover finished last with a score of 60. In the closest to the pin contest, Stewart finished last with a shot that landed 30 feet from the hole. In the longest drive contest, Dinkins finished last with a drive that traveled 25 yards.
WGNS Station Manager Bryan Barrett could not be found for a comment on the team's performance but he was reportedly "very concerned" about the team's outing.
NOW - IN ALL SERIOUSNESS
WGNS Sports is proud to support FCA and what it does for student athletes and coaches here in Rutherford County. Our team finished at -1 under but most of all had a great time with the other coaches. Thanks to Multi Area Director Brian Harrell for the invitation to play in the tournament and the leadership Area Director Christa Lanier and the entire FCA team. To find out more about the local organization, go to https://www.fcarocks.org.