MURFREESBORO, TN — In today’s edition of “You Can’t Be Serious,” the Murfreesboro Police Department has issued yet another SCAM ALERT — this time featuring a bold impersonator claiming to be Sergeant Tim Jensen and demanding thousands of dollars in Bitcoin. Because obviously, nothing says “law enforcement protocol” like crypto transfers.

According to police, a Murfreesboro resident was contacted by someone who insisted they had two arrest warrants. Not one. Two. And — get this — they could conveniently make it all disappear by sending $6,000 in Bitcoin. That’s right: Pay now in untraceable cryptocurrency, and sleep soundly knowing justice has been served. Or scammed. Thank goodness Bitcoin ATM machines can be found at strategic locations throughout Rutherford County!

For those keeping score, no, the Murfreesboro Police Department does not take payment in Bitcoin, Venmo, Dogecoin, or a handwritten IOU on a napkin. They also don’t make threats over the phone like a shady game show host trying to sell you a time-share in jail.

"If someone says you owe Bitcoin to the police... you don’t,” one detective might as well have said.

Pro tip from actual law enforcement: if anyone claiming to be a cop calls asking for money over the phone, hang up faster than a telemarketer offering you an extended car warranty.

Residents are urged not to share personal information, payment details, or give in to the idea that Sergeant Tim Jensen is moonlighting as a debt collector for Crypto Court.

If you do get one of these calls, do the right thing: report it to Murfreesboro Police. And maybe ask the scammer if they’d like to be featured in your next podcast about failed criminals.