MURFREESBORO, TN – Bud Light distributors in Murfreesboro may have an idea of where their stock is disappearing to, after a bold, beer-fueled performance worthy of a low-budget Youtube video… The plot includes what appeared to be a man who casually strolled into the Exxon gas station on North Thompson Lane, helped himself to three 12-packs of brewski, and walked out the front door — skipping the whole paying for it part. It was like the culprit thought he was invisible, or just the opposite and too important of a dude to pay for Bud Light, or - - who really knows?
The smooth criminal, described as a male in his mid-50s, reportedly entered the store like he had VIP access to the beer cave. After browsing the walk-in cooler like a man on a mission (or maybe just really thirsty), he darted towards his selection — three 12-packs of his favorite cold ones — grabbed them and simply walked out. No fuss, no rush, no wallet. So many questions remain at the scene… was it really a matter of thirst? Was he preparing for a backyard barbecue of sorts? Was he putting together a belated graduation party for a grandson? What was going on the Wednesday evening of the theft that required 36 brew-ha-ha’s?
The store owner witnessed the entire incident and promptly contacted Murfreesboro Police, who filed a report detailing the fashionable thief's outfit: black gym shorts, a blue T-Mobile t-shirt (shout-out to unlimited data), and a matching blue ball cap featuring an unknown orange logo — a color scheme that, if justice prevails, could complement the standard orange jumpsuit at the local detention center.
To complete the scene, the suspect was also wearing what appeared to be prescription glasses — because even beer bandits need to see where they're going. After his quick getaway, the man hopped into a Kia SUV, which was last seen putting away on Robert Rose Drive, heading towards Stones River Mall.
Surveillance cameras caught the entire brew-grabbing operation on video, and while officers have not yet identified the suspect, he remains a person of interest.
For arm-chair FBI agents working a side gig as a profiler, here’s what we know at this point. The man’s brew of choice was again, Bud Light and by now, he is potentially three 12-packs deep in it. He was wearing a "large" blue t-shirt adorned with a T-Mobile logo. He stands about 6-foot-1 and wears glasses. He has a blue ball cap with an orange logo on the front. Last seen wearing black gym shorts, he drove away in a white KIA SUV. Now, Murfreesboro Police would like a word with him.
