MURFREESBORO, TN - Well, folks, grab your reusable bags and hold onto your receipts — we’ve got yet another thrilling chapter from the “Walmart Chronicles.” This time, our location is the ever-vigilant Walmart in South Murfreesboro, where a man and woman apparently mistook the self-checkout for a self-giveaway.

According to the Murfreesboro Police Report (and who doesn’t love a good police report?), our daring duo embarked on what we can only call a “discount treasure hunt.” They roamed the aisles, filled their cart with goodies, and proceeded to the checkout area — where, you know, people usually pay for things.

But alas! Fate (and poor decision-making) intervened. Instead of scanning all of their loot, they strolled right out, breezing past cashiers like royalty waving to peasants. For those unfamiliar with how shopping works, pro tip: you’re supposed to pay for what you take home. In this case, they left with about $87 worth of goods.

Enter our hero — the Walmart Loss Prevention Specialist, complete with an eagle eye, a trusty walkie-talkie, and the legendary blue vest that makes them invincible to petty crime. Swooping in, the specialist confronted the shoppers-turned-swashbucklers and led them to the hallowed halls of the Loss Prevention dungeon — cleverly disguised as an ordinary office, of course.

The conversation reportedly included an awkward discussion about how scanning items works, what “payment” means, and why just taking things isn’t covered by your Walmart+ membership. Police were called, warrants will be obtained (eventually), and the thrill-seeking pair was trespassed from all Walmart stores for at least 24 hours.

So, the next time you roll your cart into the self-checkout lane, remember: paying isn’t optional — it’s the secret sauce that keeps you from starring at your very own retail mugshot.